M is for Muscle strain

So kickball is no place for sissies. Or has-beens. And last night, I think I proved myself both. The second play of our second kickball game found the red ball of death screaming off the way-too-serious former soccer great's electric blue cleat and right at me. I exploded in a blur of agile athletic movement, years of honing my cat-like reflexes about to pay off as I leaped toward the ball.

Or so it played out in my head the split second before I strained my right quadriceps.

The phrase "muscle strain" is too tame for what happened in my leg. Muscle fibers that had spent years working out 5 days a week in cardio, agility, and strength training literally tore themselves apart in my right thigh simply because I asked it to move a little faster than usual, please. Fast movement was no longer an option; I wasn't sure any movement was at the time. The damn thing is still killing me. I didn't hear a pop, and I could still move my leg, so I figured it wasn't a complete tear. But wow did I find out how often you use your quads without knowing.

Shame is a good way to describe my feelings last night. My fancy-A had to carry me back to the car after I stupidly refused the umpire's golf-cart offer. Luckily I've had this rule since college that I only date men who can pick me up and carry me. Just a lap around the bar or party will do, and we're not going for romantic. Utilitarian still gets the job done. It sorted out the bad sports and the L7 weenies. I'm now marrying a guy who can carry me a good 100 ft without a break. I can't believe my luck.

Aside from my patients laughing at my limp, a cross between shriveled old man and purpose-filled soccer mom (I needed arm-swinging momentum), it's nice to work at a doctor's office. This afternoon I got stimulation, heat, and some ultrasound action. AAahhhh. Tomorrow I think I get a pain relief patch to slap on it. I hope they don't make me drool.

I learned a little lesson: warm up Warm Up WARM UP and stretch before any athletic maneuver, even one so seemingly innocent as kickball. And if you strain a muscle (and can still walk, if not go to the ER): rest, ice (not on bare skin of course, and only for 20 minutes at a time), NSAIDS (ibuprofen), slight compression, elevation, and for heaven's sake don't keep trying to play in a hopeless game. By then you have nothing to prove.